Look Up Gardeners, the State Bird Might Soon Descend Upon You

kentucky marijuana eradication efforts
This ginormous bastard belongs to the Kentucky State Police Cannabis Suppression Branch.

It’s summer in the south and you know what that means: state coffers are getting low and it’s time to fund next year’s budget. Government, having the power that it does, could easily replenish its funds by levying taxes on things that people like to use, like weed (Colorado raked in 76 million bucks last year). But marijuana legalization in the south would present a few problems for our government officials, problems they aren’t prepared to deal with yet.

One, if the states in the south were to legalize one of the planet’s oldest, most harmless and beneficial plants, then they would lose a certain amount of control over a certain segment of the population that they have, let’s say, had problems with for the last 150 years or so. Indeed, racism lies at the very core of cannabis prohibition, having been shoved through the  federal lawmaking process fueled by outrageously racist, pejorative warnings like “high Negroes and Mexicans will rape your white daughters”. Today we see that same racist attitude in the enforcement of marijuana laws (in a supposedly “post-racial society” no less), where despite roughly equal usage rates, Blacks are nearly 4 times more likely than whites to be arrested for marijuana.

georgia marijuana bust
Despite the fact that these peaches aren’t even fuzzed up good yet, Georgia law enforcement officials estimated these 200 plants to be worth $258,000. The Humvee they drove them out in was likely free (to them).

Two, legalizing marijuana would take away the ability of the government to swoop in and take one’s property, despite the outrageous cost of doing so, which means the government would be unable to sustain growth in the form of new police cars, night vision equipment, rifles, tanks, office parties and college educations. Despite the fact that a fully outfitted police helicopter can cost anywhere from $1 million to $3 million and costs about $400 per hour to operate (plus the hourly rate of however many cops they bring to the party), the government still insists on fighting a lost war against the marijuana plant with full gusto. Obviously they are making money or they wouldn’t be doing it, anymore than they would go out and write free traffic tickets.

The third reason that your state and local law enforcement officers are now hovering over your cornfield – especially in the south – is that they have contracts with private probation companies and privately owned and operated prisons to uphold. Some states have even signed contracts with private prison companies that contain quotas, and if the state fails to keep a steady stream of warm bodies flowing through the gates then the state must pay penalties. What an incentive!

Happy grow season, send us pics!

We hope everyone makes it through Croptober without becoming victims of the State Bird, but undoubtedly many lives will be ruined this summer while the police are “serving and protecting” us. Look up, stay safe and send us pictures to post (no faces or identifying info please)!

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  1. david singletary

    yes the current marijuana laws are a form of discrimination. The establishment wants you to think there is something wrong with you or that you’re lesser of an individual if you smoke marijuana. They want you to think their lives are so much better without pot. the truth is I have to put up with their bullshit existence by smoking pot. If they were any happier than me? then I may consider their position. the truth is, pot has been apart of civilization since there hasbeen a civilization, it’s not going anywhere. duh. when they decide to grow a brain and bring rational and reasoning into the conversation, let me know.

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